Public service announcement

Fergie is 1/2 Mexican, 1/2 Native American. Because there is no way that I was the only person who wanted to know that.

Also, is it just me, or is she going to look just like Kirstie Alley in about ten years?

Extreme Blog Makeover

Well, I think the renovations on my blog are nearly complete, save some possible color-tinkering in the future-- please note the new name, and be struck by its insane awesomeness. I had a very strange dream the other night that this was what my blog was called, and was totally impressed by my subconscious' ability to come up with catchy, non-porny blog names. If only I had been so bold when actually naming it in the first place...

So unless anyone really hates the new name, or it turns out I only dreamed it because I saw it on another, much cooler blog, I think My Business will stick around for awhile. This, hopefully, will put a stop to Google searches for "unwilling adult bitches" (at least they threw "adult" in there).

Pity party

Suddenly, without warning, things have gotten really upsetting at my house. Including:

1. Ben being the middle car in a three-car accident, in which he was hit by an uninsured motorist. An uninsured motorist, no less, who was driving illegally, as his license had been suspended four years ago for not having insurance.

2. Ben's identity has been stolen. Which is creepy, and gives off a Lifetime-esque vibe. I keep expecting Robert Urich to pop out from behind a road sign and bludgeon me to death. Which then makes me even sadder, because he's already dead.

3. This? Still happening. It's time for another ultrasound! Because the three I've already had were so much fun, I couldn't resist a fourth.

4. Not to mention the whole having all my cavities, which were done improperly the first time, redone by the dentist situation.

So, I am down right now, and planning on medicating with a Klondike bar. I realize things could be a lot worse. But right now, I am totally ready for PJs and a good wail.

At least my face looks thin when I do that pouty thing.

Why I will never succeed in deep political thought.

Not much to say today-- very interesting things abound, but I find myself at a loss to discuss them. So until then, consider this-- there is a man where I work who looks just like I think He-Man would look when he got older. How bummed do you think He-Man was when he got old, and was just King of Greyskull, or whatever, and his nephews all sat around at his feet while he was like, "Once time, I fought Cyclops, and my Battle Cat..." et cetera? And his nephews were so bored, because they had heard all these stories before, and were just cringing with embarrassed anticipation for when, after a few goblets of wine, He-Man stood up in front of the whole family and yelled "I have the power!"

I bet he was, like, really bummed.

Zit of the damned

Okay, I am still feverishly working to finish the aforementioned Perilously Close to Being Overdue Library Book and so don't have much time to write. But as promised, here is a photo of the Gruesome Zit of the Damned, which, at its zenith yesterday, was roughly half the size of my own eyeball (conjuring images of Stephen King's The Dark Half). Thankfully, to some surreptitious emergency surgery performed during the movie The Black Dahlia yesterday evening, it has subsided somewhat, although I still generally have to wear my bangs in a scary, over-the-eye, Ally Sheedy as scary loner fashion.

Please feel free to suggest names for Gruesome Zit of the Damned, or provide dialogue for it. Seriously, if it's going to have the tenacity to grow to such elephantine proportions, it seems wrong not to anthropomorphize it in some way...

My library kicks your library's ass

Just got word from the Euclid library that my copy of Princess Diaries Volume VII: Party Princess is in. Shazam!

Also just in-- my copy of The Black Dahlia, which poses a problem, as I have still not completed the now painfully-close-to-overdue book I mentioned in the previous post, nor have I even really started V For Vendetta, which I took out in an effort to further alienate myself from the rest of the normal, non-graphic-novel-enjoying world. But I was number 15 on the waiting list for Dahlia! How could this have happened? Curse you, library, and your awesome goodness!

Maxin' and relaxin'

Okay, seriously, I do have interesting things to blog about, I swear-- but as the result of a super-busy whirlwind weekend of fun (Congratulations, Karin and Ryan!), I just need to spend a night or two relaxing (and finishing a library book that is dangerously close to being overdue). I do hereby solemnly swear that I will be back blogging like a maniac within 48 hours, so please don't abandon The Unwilling Adult as being comatose.

In the meantime, here are some quick tidbits to tide you over until I can get to the real shiznit:

1. The dentist? I have to go back. And have all eight fillings redone, as the first doctor did them totally wrong. I also have to rinse with a truly heinous fluoride mouthwash that has the aftertaste of vanilla, mint, and sweet barbeque. More on this later.

2. I have an insanely large zit on the side of my head-- roughly the size of a baby's eyeball. I'm thinking that soon it might develop cognizance and start vying for control of my brain. Pictures to come? If you dare gaze upon its horror.

3. Megan and Matt were here this weekend for Karin's wedding, and we went to the zoo and saw the cutest orangutans ever. When my strength has returned, killer orangutan YouTube footage.

4. The Bourne Identity is the first action movie I have ever seen that didn't make me want to kill myself. Discuss.

Any idea...

...why my sidebar has now migrated to the bottom of the page, making my blog most unattractive and perhaps downright amateurish? I have many new things to say-- on my horrific experience at the dentist, on why the new BNL CD, while good, could have used more "Old Apartment" and less "Helicopters"-- but I feel I cannot move forward until I have fixed the Ugly Ugliness of my blog in its current state. I've asked the Blogger people, but they have not yet responded, as "unattractive sidebar" probably does not rank very high on their list of bugs to fix in Beta.

In the meantime, I just wanted to post quick, in an effort to remain off the "comatose" list over at (Mis)Adventures. This weekend one of my close friends, Karin, is getting married, so I will be out and about in the real world (as opposed to last weekend, which I spent almost entirely in the Cyber World or the Flavor of Love World, alternately).

In further music news...

I just totally downloaded* "Sexyback" by Justin Timberlake (Ashley's latest flame), and am about fifteen seconds away from burning it to a CD so I listen to it eight hundred times in the car on the way to work tomorrow.

*Legally! Legally! From MSN Music! Just in case Metallica stumbles upon this site and wants to exact a weird revenge involving an "angry chair," whatever the fuck that is.

Barenaked Are Back

...or at least I think they are, based on the very brief listen I was able to give this CD since I purchased it a few hours ago. I have never really been one of those people who just puts music on in the background-- if I need to concentrate at all, it better be silence, and unlike most people, almost everything I do, including walking and going to the bathroom, requires an insane amount of concentration-- so I haven't had a chance to listen to the entire disc yet, let alone the ten or twelve times it takes me to fully grasp the goodness or badness of a CD. But I am confident that by the end of the work day tomorrow, I will be able to give you a definitive verdict on the quality of this CD.

But so far, it's looking good. I was vastly underwhelmed by their last CD, Everything to Everyone (which isn't saying much-- I liked "only" seven of the roughly twelve songs on the CD), and so was a little worried about this one. But it is sounding very Born on a Pirate Ship and not so second-half-of-Maroon, so I am pleased.

Also, please note that I am fully aware that it is patently uncool* to like Barenaked Ladies anymore, and that I should have stopped after college, like everyone else. (I could make a Dave Matthews Band comment here, but I won't, because all my friends are DMB fans and I don't want to get beat up.) However, those of you who refuse to acknowledge that BNL did not, in fact, peak with "One Week" are really missing out on a quality band. I won't go too far into it, as many of you are far more music savvy than I. But I defy you to call BNL a novelty band after listening to "Break Your Heart," "Jane," and "Tonight Is the Night I Fell Asleep at the Wheel."

So buy this CD. Do it. Do it or I'll break your tail lights with a lead pipe. For real.

*Also patently uncool? Gauchos, apparently. Not one of you has one opinion on the gaucho craze? Oh, God, I've totally missed it. I will never be fashion forward.

Gauchopalooza

May I just use the last five minutes of my lunch today to tell you that I wore gaucho pants to work today, and I simply cannot believe that they are letting me get away with this? The outfit I'm wearing right now (sadly, sans sassy vest, as depicted here) is more comfortable than the PJs I woke up in.

Even though I am probably far too late-- as we speak, all the thinner, prettier, more fashion-forward girls than me are setting fire to their gauchos in big oil drums, their pert noses wrinkling in disgust-- I must admit that I am now a full-on gaucho convert. Viva los gauchos!

An open letter to those with teeth

Dear Dental-Minded Americans,

You may have heard some sort of claptrap at one point or another in your lives that indicated that you should be going to the dentist every six months or so in order to maintain your dental health. I am here to tell you now that this is patently untrue, and that, in fact, going to the dentist will only make whatever dental problems you may have a bajillion times worse.

Observe: About six months ago, I decided to start going to the dentist, not because any of my teeth were particularly bothering me, but because my parents made it seem as though if I didn't go to the dentist soon, I would most likely be dead before my thirtieth birthday, as dental problems, especially undiagnosed ones, are evidently the number one killer among all age groups and races.

Over the past six months, I have gone from having what were undoubtedly unhealthy but perfectly nice and painfree teeth to having extreme sensitivity in pretty much all the teeth the dentist worked on (in one spot, so bad that I can't really chew on it, which will likely cause me to wear down the teeth on the opposite side of my mouth much faster, which will definitely end with my face being severely lopsided), a still-gaping hole where my wisdom tooth was pulled, and the sinking feeling that one of the teeth he worked on is just a millimeter larger than all the others, causing my bite to come down awkwardly.

And last night, while I was dilligently flossing, a piece of one of my teeth broke off. Just broke off. Which, I might add, was not a regular occurrence in my Pre-Dentistry days.

So now I have a hole between my front teeth where the Tooth Piece used to go, and a toothache that my aunt, who is a dental assistant, diagnosed as needing a root canal, which sounds wholly unpleasant, and one monster tooth that is bigger than all the others, and, to top it all off, my dentist keeps mailing me mysterious bills for $10, which I keep paying, because I don't know what else to do, and my dental insurance keeps mailing me even more mysterious letters claiming I had other coverage during several of the aforementioned procedures, and they want me to prove it. Which I am so not going to do.

In closing, no matter what anyone tells you-- Mr. Rogers, your parents, anyone-- do NOT go to the dentist, as it will only end in heartbreak. And toothbreak.

Hugs and kisses,

Kim

Pitfall

I just learned something terrifying-- I can no longer comment on non-beta blogs using my Blogger account! I can still comment-- I know you're all breathing a collective sigh of relief-- but only by designating myself as an "other," which makes me feel weird and very M. Night Shyamalan.

So the point of this, I guess, is that you all need to become Blogger beta right now, because it will make everything easier for me. And isn't what this whole experience is really all about?

Okay, I promise a non-Blogger beta themed post by the end of the day. So check-back, beta-lovers!

Dig!

I am so Blogger Beta right now. Please take the time to check my sweet new additions, as it took about forty minutes of sitting with a hot, hot laptop on my lap (no doubt rendering my sterile, per an article I read in Maxim magazine the other day). Also, please note that now that I have the capability, I will be updating not only my blog, but my sidebar, color scheme, and font selections at will. And giving my posts retarded tags, even though they don't need them.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am the future! Behold my shiny metallic glory!

A brave new world

After having consumed two glasses of margarita and a beer, I feel this is an excellent time to attempt to convert my blog to Blogger Beta (because obviously, a moderate buzz will definitely help me with any programming issues I may encounter along the way). So I just wanted to write this post to say that if I mess anything up, and my blog becomes unreadable, I'm really, really sorry. But the good news is, if I have to start over from scratch, I can have a blog name that is not so unintentionally porny.

Wish me luck!

Long Awkward Pose #1

Here it is-- the much anticipated Long Awkward Pose I shot of Pen and Ashley during my trip to Wilmington (inspired, I must credit, by the website of the same name). I sincerely hope that there will be many more to come (provided anyone gives me permission to blog them, or that they even consent to having their picture taken after I have pulled this stunt a few times).

It's poorly lit and hard to hear, but man, is it full of memories...

Dear Wilmingtonians,

By the time most of you read this, I will already be on my way back to Ohio, singing loudly with the radio and giving Ben the creeps (a little). But I wanted to be able to say, if only once, that I, too, blogged from Wilmington (as well as drank too much in Wilmington, bought too many things in Wilmington, and prepaid for gas for the first time ever in Wilmington).

Also, I would like to state for the record that all the above-pictured people, along with Meg and Thomas, who sadly had to leave before the group picture could be corralled, are sexy bitches.

Does it sound too Hallmark to say I miss you all already?

Ooh, um yeah, upon reading that statement, especially when left alone as its own paragraph like that, it does. So while that statement is true, let me end instead by saying that there are no people I'd rather let mock me mercilessly for leaving my purse in a gas station bathroom. Again.