Showing posts with label TV. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TV. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

What's the deal?


I am officially banned from watching all game shows, as tonight I began to openly sob watching some woman named Tomorrow Rodriguez attempt to win a million dollars on Deal or No Deal. This is particularly vexing as I am not a regular watcher of Deal or No Deal, and am sort of grossed out by Howie Mandel's shaved head and weird lady parts goatee. But as Tomorrow got closer to her million dollar case, I completely lost my shit.

I don't know how I end up getting sucked into situations like this; I had a very similar situation once with an episode of the Family Feud, which ended with me bawling on my couch at twelve in the afternoon after the family won the big prize. Which I guess justifies my Deal or No Deal breakdown a bit-- if I get choked up when five people have to split $10,000, imagine how moved I would be by one woman getting a million.

I was, in fact, so upset by the whole thing that I had to leave the room and go take a shower, and subsequently missed the end. Did she win? Does anyone know? I kind of have to know now.

(Okay, I just looked it up on Google. She did win. Which is good. Because I would have felt like a supertard, crying over a woman that eventually won $400.)

You know, I just thought of something-- I think the Family Feud family was also named Rodriguez. So maybe I just have to limit myself to shows featuring non-Rodriguezes? Which will totally suck for me if A-Rod ever decides to go on Celebrity Jeopardy.

Monday, November 13, 2006

A belated review of the Office, and of my failures in love (updated)

Warning! This post contains unfunny and borderline downer insights into my former non-existent love life, B.B. (before Ben). While "The Office" is definitely a funny show, this post is not. So do not be fooled by its tangential connection to "The Office!"

Having come to "The Office" very late, I had a lot of catching up to do-- with their non-stop coverage of all things "Office," Entertainment Weekly had already more than informed me that Jim and Pam would be kissing by the end of season two. But what I was not prepared for was the way in which it all went down.

Jim? Going up to Pam? And finally just saying his feelings out loud? And then later they kiss? This whole thing made me want to cry. Because I have done this exact thing before-- the "saying your feelings out loud" thing-- and it did not end with kissing. No, it did not.

Because on the three occasions that I actually worked up the nerve to try this, I got these three responses:

1. Slight revulsion, as if being propositioned by a homeless woman smeared with feces and BBQ sauce
2. Utter confusion, as if it could not be possible that I were even female, let alone someone you might make out with
3. Complete refusal to acknowledge the entire situation.

So to see it work for Jim-- and yes, I know they don't end up together, at least not yet, so it didn't really work-- really kind of blew my mind a little. I had kind of just assumed that, because I had failed at it three different times, it probably wasn't actually possible, but really only the kind of thing that your friends tell you you should really do when you're all drunk. But now that I see that it is possible (at least for fictional office drones) kind of bums me out.

Which, I know, is super stupid, because I have Ben, who is ten thousand times a better man than the three aforementioned guys. And with Ben, I didn't have to spend any time sitting in my room feverishly journaling out all the reasons that He Seems Like He Likes Me-- it was just, he likes me. There was no need to sit down and Have a Talk about it. It took me forever to figure out that if someone actually liked me, it would be a little more obvious.

Still, though, I felt a little twinge watching Jim and Pam. Maybe I was jealous that it worked, or maybe I was just embarrassed for Jim, and mad at Pam, or maybe I was mad at Utter Confusion guy. Or, I just remember how humiliating it was-- telling someone your feelings, and having those feelings rebuffed. It was like being broken up with, only without any of the benefits of ever actually having gone out. And I think that no matter how in love with Ben I am and will always be, and how I'll probably never have to go through that situation again, that whole concept will always sort of bother me.

The whole point is, sharing your feelings tends to lead less to kissing, and more to crying on the floor in your bedroom, singing "All By Myself" very loudly at three in the morning. One can only hope that this is not what Jim ended up doing.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Dancing With the Pundits

Ben is an election junkie, and, having decided that finding out if the democrats will seize control is more important than the Cavs game, I am now stuck watching the talking heads on CNN. Which is when I noticed something of great interest-- in the background, behind the Heads' heads, is a big screen with four smaller screens in it, and the one on the lower left is playing-- I shit you not-- Dancing With the Stars. I know this, because as we were flipping to a local channel to see how our issues were fairing (note: local channels DO NOT CARE AT ALL how the issues are fairing, it turns out) I saw Mario Lopez dancing with his shiny hoochie woman, and when we flipped back to CNN, I saw Mario Lopez again, this time with his arm around the shiny hoochie.

This is why America is the greatest country on earth.

Friday, October 20, 2006

My Life as a TV Watcher: Week Three

I really have been attempting to stick with my TV-watching schedule, I swear! I didn't get to comment last week, as we were getting ready for our trip to St. Louis (and I was too heartbroken over the departure of Megg from ANTM). So here is how things are shaping up now:

8:00 America's Next Top Model

Okay, I hate to admit this, because clearly it is not what the producers want, but I actually really like Melrose. I'm not really sure what the issue is-- she's really pretty, and funny, and doesn't seem opposed to anything, even when they give her totally whacked out shoots, like being an old woman or, even more terrifying, Donald Trump. Is this wrong? Well, if loving Melrose is wrong, I don't wanna be right. And besides, doesn't she look an awful lot like one of our old grad school professors (whom I will decline to name, just in case there's another "Googling myself and finding derrogatory comments on Kim's blog" situation)?

In regards to Wednesday's actual episode, I have several questions-- which twin is the gay twin, again? Is that going to be important to know later on? Also, why does proving that one has an uncanny resemblance to Jay-Z somehow enhance your model cred? Also also, does anyone else feel gypped by the lack of Janice Dickenson? I was led to believe she would become a prominent force in this season. I was led astray.

Also also also, I was glad to see AJ go. In general, a "whatever, I'm too fucking cool for this, anyway" attitude makes me generally want to punch people in the face.

9:00 Lost

I have to admit, I'm about eighteen minutes away from never watching this show again. Am I seriously going to have to sit around for several more years before someone explains to me why there are perfectly nice-looking, suburban-esque houses on the island? Or why sometimes That Bald Guy can walk and talk, and sometimes he can't? Yes, I realize that this is high-brow, and that the payoff will be huge, and it's much more progressive than your average, mystery-less episode of CSI (unless "who killed this midget?" satisfies your need for mystery). But there is something about this show that makes me think it is laughing at me, because I haven't figured it out yet. Because the writers are all in on the joke, and so is everyone else in America, and I'm the only one in the world too stupid to understand the situation.

So, in other words, is there anything else on at nine on Wednesdays that I can use to fill the fast-approaching hole in my schedule?

10:00 South Park

I watched this on Wednesday, and already I have no idea what happened. I think it had something to do with Dog: The Bounty Hunter? My main thought on South Park at the moment: has anyone but me noticed that Cartman's voice is different now? Oh, it's definitely the same guy doing it. But it's like he forgot how to do it over the summer.

So, I guess TV Wednesday is not working out as well as I had hoped. Perhaps it's time for me to focus my attention instead on Thursday... I did get freakishly into Survivor: Outback a few years ago, and greatly enjoyed The Office on DVD. People tell me I would like My Name is Earl, but mustaches make me uncomfortable.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

My Life as a TV Watcher: Day One



As most of you know, Ben and I don't watch much TV. This is not, I must stress, because we sit around at home and do Masterpiece Theatre type things, like identify local flora or read Proust. In fact, I honestly couldn't tell you, a lot of the time, what we're doing instead of watching TV-- in the summer, it was bike-riding or dog-walking, and in the winter, a lot of the time, it's basketball. But I told Ben last week that I wanted to start watching more TV, and thankfully, he agreed.

Our main TV night, we have decided, will be Wednesday, mainly because:

  • America's Next Top Model is on, and I'm tired of only experiencing it through VH1 marathons.
  • We saw last week's recap episode of Lost, and it looked really bitchin', and besides, most people inform me that I will really love this show.
  • South Park is on, and, though it shames me to admit this, Ben and I are the only people alive who still watch and enjoy it.

After a test run last week, we settled in last night for our first Evening of Television (although Ben opted out for the ANTM portion, as he believes it to be "gay"). My thoughts:

  • If I weighed forty pounds less, I could totally be on ANTM, as all those girls are secretly sort of weird-looking. I guess I had never realized before how weird-looking you had to be to be a model. But Tyra's not weird-looking, she's just pretty.
  • I don't understand Lost at all, and I sort of doubt I ever will. It just seems like everything is weird and complicated for weirdness' and complicatedness' sake. How can the Lead Other also be Matthew Fox's wife's boyfriend? Are those houses actually on the island? And if so, why has no one yet located them? Does Stephen King approve of being the Others' book club selection? I mean, obviously I have missed a lot, and one recap show will totally not help that much. But is it too late for me and Lost?
  • South Park is really, really gross.

We have decided, after a marathon viewing session of the first season DVD, to expand our Night of Television to include The Office, which we both find excruciatingly funny, except for Steve Carrell's character, who we both just hate, and not in the way you hate a particularly good TV villain (i.e., Newman). We actually just really hate him, and use his screen time to go get more Chex Mix. Although he did have the funniest line thus far (now granted, we've only watched the one season), which was "Abraham Lincoln said 'If you are a racist, I will attack you with the North.'"

Any other thoughts on how I should modify my TV viewing schedule? I like it thus far, as it is contained to one evening-- since I don't have a TiVo or anything of the sort, and hate reasoning with the VCR, I am pretty much restricted to actually watching things as they happen, instead of at my convenience, although I've sort of been begging for TiVo since last winter-- but would gladly entertain substitutes for, say, Lost, which, the more I think about it, I am probably not going to watch much more of, as things that are purposefully confusing irritate the shit out of me (see Memento).

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

For those of you still pining...


Arrested Development season 3 DVD is out today, and on sale at Target for $20.

Rest in peace, Bluths. Rest in piece.

And not to change the subject, but-- also out on DVD today and on sale at Target? Flavor of Love season 1. Why won't you buy it? It has a special feature called "The Blackucation of Pumkin." Buy it! How can you not?

Thursday, July 13, 2006

By the way...


Okay, so a bit of "felt truth" here, for my fellow memoirists-- in truth, growing up I actually loved Mama's Family, particularly the episode where Thelma had a short-lived but oh-so-hilarious stint as the receptionist at a travel agency (when asked if she knew what to do when the phone rang, she replied "No, usually whenever the phone rings I run around with my hands in the air yelling 'what'll I do, what'll I do?'"). But I decided that, of all the early eighties sitcoms I could choose from, it had the funniest name.

Pete suggested that perhaps Mr. Belvedere would have been a better choice, and I have to say I might agree. Also, I just thought of Head of the Class, where Howard Hessman taught a bunch of overacheiving nerds. But I think I may have been the only person ever in the history of mankind to watch that show in its entirety, even through the dreadful Rain Pryor years.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Serious TV overload

As I'm sure I've mentioned in the past, Ben and I don't watch much TV. But it's not because we're snobby people who very much enjoy birdwatching and poring over the lost translations of "A Very Old Man With Enormous Wings." Rather, it's because if we watch more than five minutes of a show, we get severely addicted to it.

For instance, why did no one tell me that Hell's Kitchen is like the greatest show ever televised? I've only seen about 35 minutes of it so far, so I kind of actually have no idea what's going on, or what the point even is, but so far I've figured out that:

1. That chef that everyone calls "Chef" in a very important way is really mean and swears a lot, and throws things and often looks like he's going to cry, but in a really ominous way, like every tear he cries is a little piece of your soul.

2. Giacomo was cute, but now he's gone. And I kind of want to name my kid Giacomo, but I don't think non-Italian people are allowed to do that.

3. Tom is a big wussy baby, and I look forward to seeing him summarily humiliated.

I didn't really learn anything about the girls, except that the one with an extraordinarily large head (encephalitis?) is apparently a really good cook, and there's one girl who looks kind of mean and forboding, and I bet she's the one who sabotages the food next week.

Sadly, Hell's Kitchen is on opposite Super Nanny, which is the only other show I've allowed myself to watch more than one time. I realize that Super Nanny is exactly the same every week, but I continue to watch because I like that woman's accent a lot, and I keep waiting for the rerun of the one where the little girl says "Shermie was cwying 'cause I punched him in the eye."

Even more sadly, it turns out I was wrong about the release date of Arrested Development season three (or else they moved it on me, and Jason Bateman didn't even call)-- it's now not until the end of August, when I was absolutely positive that it was supposed to be this past Tuesday. I guess I could go buy season one of The Office to tide me over, as I know it would make Penelope happy, but dang it, it's just not the same!