I hate this.

I've begun to realize that I say the phrase "I hate" far too much. I think I've always said it a little too often, using it to denote things that annoyed me, rather than things I truly hated. And that's still the way I use it, but I hear it coming from my mouth with alarming frequency, and, as an addendum to my New Year's Resolution to be less angry, would like to curb it.

So, in an effort to direct my attention away from the things that I hate, allow me to list some things that I love:

• My husband
• My family
• My friends
• My pets
• The Office
• The new Kanye West CD, which I know I gave only a middling grade to before, but with which I am now totally obsessed. As a side note, I would love to be as confident as Kanye, with lines like "I think it's time you should get behind me but my head's so big you can't sit behind me."
• LeBron James
• Ric Flair (yes, I still love Ric Flair)
• Winter
• Cake (the band, not the food-- I don't actually really like cake very much)
• Bacon bits
• Babies
• David Sedaris
• Sloppy Joes
• Target
• Mix CDs
• Post Secret

And many more!

So there's still a lot of love to go around, even if I kind of hate the way I've been feeling lately...

Dear Snape,

As I prepare to read the final Harry Potter book, I realize that it will be my final chance to tell you how I really feel about you. Which is that I really, really, really love you.

I know you've done some bad things. I know your hair is greasy and and you have a hook nose, and in the book, the pictures of you depict you with a creepy pointed beard and mustache combo, which I am not generally accepting of. But I can't help it. I believe you to be, by far, the most interesting character in the whole series. Including Harry Potter himself.

That's right, America. Harry Potter is lame in comparison to Snape. I don't apologize for my feelings.

Anyway, Snape. What I'm really writing to tell you is that I will be super, super pissed if you turn out to be evil. Don't be evil, Snape! I command you! Be good, and fall in love with Petunia, the sister of your first love. Because that would be so awesome if you were Harry's step uncle. I don't know how we'll deal with the Vernon situation. But you've dealt with so much worse!

[Please note: I do not believe Snape will end up with Petunia, because I am not retarded. But wouldn't it be swell?]

Anyway again, Snape. Sorry for all the interjections. I still feel the need to explain my love for you to those less inclined to accept your sour hatred and intermittent killing sprees.

So, that having been said, do not be evil. Please?

Stay awesome,

Kim

PS: Okay, so maybe Harry's not lame. But I still think you're cooler. Also, please tell Alan Rickman that I want to be his girlfriend. Okay?

A belated review of the Office, and of my failures in love (updated)

Warning! This post contains unfunny and borderline downer insights into my former non-existent love life, B.B. (before Ben). While "The Office" is definitely a funny show, this post is not. So do not be fooled by its tangential connection to "The Office!"

Having come to "The Office" very late, I had a lot of catching up to do-- with their non-stop coverage of all things "Office," Entertainment Weekly had already more than informed me that Jim and Pam would be kissing by the end of season two. But what I was not prepared for was the way in which it all went down.

Jim? Going up to Pam? And finally just saying his feelings out loud? And then later they kiss? This whole thing made me want to cry. Because I have done this exact thing before-- the "saying your feelings out loud" thing-- and it did not end with kissing. No, it did not.

Because on the three occasions that I actually worked up the nerve to try this, I got these three responses:

1. Slight revulsion, as if being propositioned by a homeless woman smeared with feces and BBQ sauce
2. Utter confusion, as if it could not be possible that I were even female, let alone someone you might make out with
3. Complete refusal to acknowledge the entire situation.

So to see it work for Jim-- and yes, I know they don't end up together, at least not yet, so it didn't really work-- really kind of blew my mind a little. I had kind of just assumed that, because I had failed at it three different times, it probably wasn't actually possible, but really only the kind of thing that your friends tell you you should really do when you're all drunk. But now that I see that it is possible (at least for fictional office drones) kind of bums me out.

Which, I know, is super stupid, because I have Ben, who is ten thousand times a better man than the three aforementioned guys. And with Ben, I didn't have to spend any time sitting in my room feverishly journaling out all the reasons that He Seems Like He Likes Me-- it was just, he likes me. There was no need to sit down and Have a Talk about it. It took me forever to figure out that if someone actually liked me, it would be a little more obvious.

Still, though, I felt a little twinge watching Jim and Pam. Maybe I was jealous that it worked, or maybe I was just embarrassed for Jim, and mad at Pam, or maybe I was mad at Utter Confusion guy. Or, I just remember how humiliating it was-- telling someone your feelings, and having those feelings rebuffed. It was like being broken up with, only without any of the benefits of ever actually having gone out. And I think that no matter how in love with Ben I am and will always be, and how I'll probably never have to go through that situation again, that whole concept will always sort of bother me.

The whole point is, sharing your feelings tends to lead less to kissing, and more to crying on the floor in your bedroom, singing "All By Myself" very loudly at three in the morning. One can only hope that this is not what Jim ended up doing.