I am the champion

I. Did. It.

I actually completed NaNoWriMo. I wrote 50,000 words. In one month. In 28 days, to be specific. And I wrote the final words wearing a Santa hat. Which just makes it that much cooler.

Is it dorky that I'm so insanely proud of myself right now? Before I decided to do NaNoWriMo, I had literally written nothing besides my blog and a few columns for the Columbus Dispatch in four years. And in one month, I wrote something that was longer than my entire graduate thesis. Which means I can totally still do it. Whether it's any good or not remains to be seen. But still. I totally did it.

The only bad thing: the novel isn't actually finished yet. Which is actually a good thing, because it gives me something to keep working towards. And then the revision process, and then, who knows? Maybe try to find an agent? I don't know. The world might not be ready for the John Boston story yet. But when it is, kapow, watch out, America.

All I know is that I totally did it. And I am totally going to Cracker Barrel right now to celebrate. Because that's the way that we high-velocity novelists roll. Awwww, yeah.

A week in the life

As much as I was enjoying studying those photos from Martha's (I MUST find that woman and ask where she got her matching beret/tank top ensemble), I just wanted to stop by and fill you in quickly on the haps, since I've been MIA for so long. It's just that the haps are sort of boring:

1. Am now only 9,996 from my goal of 50,000 words for NaNoWriMo, although I'm now pretty sure that this book won't be wrapped up in 10,000 words or less, so I will need some cajoling to get the rest done after the contest is over. Please place all threats in the comment box.

2. I have decided that this guy will play John Boston in the inevitable movie adaptation of my sure-to-be-a-bestselling blockbuster:


Apparently his name is Jon Hamm, and he is in the show Mad Men, which I have never seen because I don't know what channel AMC is on my cable and am too lazy to find out. But he will be pleased to know that he has been added to the short list of past JB candidates, which included George Clooney, Colin Firth, and of course, the infamous Mark Harmon. Who can now cry his bitter tears of defeat on the set of his stupid Navy SEAL show, or whatever it is they're carrying on about over there.

3. A big, giant, hairy spider has taken up residence in the drain in my basement, and sometimes he comes lunging out at me when I come down to feed the cat. I would squash him, but he's so big that he would both crunch and explode with some sort of goo, which I am not willing to clean up, so for now, I let him live.

4. I am extremely unhappy with the outcome of America's Next Top Model. I feel that the model who won (I won't give names, for those of you who are still waiting to catch this on TiVo) is extremely weird-looking, and I don't care for the quasi-British accent she decided to adopt upon arriving in Holland.

5. On the other hand, I am most pleased with the proceedings on The Office, and am happy to have Jim and Pam once again reunited.

6. Ben went hunting last weekend? Which was weird? And now there are three dead pheasants in my freezer. Which is even weirder.

Sadly, you are now completely caught up with everything that has happened to me during the last week. Oh, and I ate some stuff, and used the bathroom several times. Now you literally know EVERYTHING that happened.

RIP, Martha's

The world was shocked and saddened today by the loss of the world's greatest lesbian and redneck karaoke bar, where the UNCW MFA class of 2004 spent probably way too much of its time during its brief and tenuous tenure in Wilmington. Where the crazy black guy in the wicker hat will spend the remainder of his Prince-performing days is still unknown, but please take a moment to enjoy this photographic retrospective in honor of our fallen friend.

NaNoWriMo Update: Week 1

My stupid toolbar won't update itself for some reason, but as of three minutes ago, I had written 11,730 words.

I would like some accolades now, please!

Rebuilding Music-con One

Now, as many of you know, I lost my mega awesome music collection in the Great Hard Drive Crash of '08; I have been slowly reassembling, but the going is rough (do I really need to search out another copy of "My Sweet Lord" by George Harrison? I probably do, right?).

What you may not know is that for the last ten months, I've been collecting approximately seven million Pepsi points and redeeming them for MP3 downloads on Amazon. As a full-on Diet Pepsi addict, I've managed to score at least 40 songs this way (as well as three CDs, a Pepsi t-shirt, and Home Movies season four on DVD-- I drink a LOT of Pepsi), but I still have enough for 20 more songs, and I have to admit, I'm totally running out of ideas. For instance, today I just downloaded the 1985 classic "Dog Eat Dog" by Weird Al Yankovic. So, I'm tapped out.

Any suggestions for cool songs I should be looking for? Keeping in mind my strict evaluation criteria:

1. Must not be snobby people music (no Radiohead or anything with an artfully illustrated pen-and-ink drawing on its cover)

2. Repetitive chorus preferred; na-na chorus a BIG plus

3. Oldies always welcome (but no Neil Young, as Neil Young just sort of sucks. Sorry.)

4. If I played it in marching band or Guitar Hero, I'll probably like it

5. Also, I go nuts for songs where there's instruments? And then all the sudden it's just singing and drums. That's the best.

So please, help me out here-- I have to use these points up by the end of next week, and if I can't think of anything, I have to use them on a Tom Morello CD for Ben, and really, there's only so much accoustic anarchy pop one can listen to on a daily basis.

Heart of Darkness

I've been so busy diligently writing the world's shittiest novel and celebrating the election of not Sarah Palin that I didn't really get a chance to give a shout-out to the return of my old pal, the Darkness.

Because unlike most people, who seem to feel that the shortening of days is like time theft on par with the hours of your life that are regularly stolen by the Lifetime Movie Network, I very much welcome the long evenings, for several reasons:

1. I am more attractive at dusk.

2. I have always equated night time with farting around time-- the longer it is until sundown, the longer I'm obligated to remain active, because you just look sort of fascist if you choose to sit inside while the sun is still out. The end of daylight savings time means pretty much unlimited farting around time, and this, in summary, is why my Guitar Hero skills are so much better than yours.

3. The cover of darkness allows me to sing really loudly in my car on the freeway on the way home without being seen.

4. Ditto emergency mobile nose-picking.

The only major problem that I can see with the end of DST is that it is followed by the sacred Ohio holiday Drive Like an Asshole Because Apparently Your Car Functions Differently in the Dark Week, during which Ohio's drivers compensate for the new commute conditions by either driving stupidly slowly, ramming themselves into guard rails, or pretending that the darkness has rendered their car invisible, thus enabling them to weave in and out of traffic at will.

Soon, though, we will adjust, and I'll be able to spend my darkness time in a glut of leisure-time bliss, until phase two of the driving holiday, Ohio Holy Crap It's Snowing and My Car is Made of Spun Sugar Week, begins in earnest in a few weeks' time.

I voted today!

...so, I deserve a break. No NaNoWriMo for me tonight-- I'm settling in with some burgers, beer, neighbors, and eight hours of uninterrupted election coverage.

I'm so curious to know how voting went around the country-- anyone have any good horror stories? I was in and out in twenty minutes this morning, but I also live in the smallest town ever, unless there's a town of midgets out there somewhere...

NaNoWriMo Update: Day 1

Hey, I promise not to turn this into a you-go-girl NaNoWriMo blog, but their website is down right now, so I have nowhere to brag-- so far today, I've logged 1,707 words, which is slightly over my daily goal. Which, of course, means that I am THE GREATEST NOVELIST THAT EVER LIVED!