Happy Happy Joy Joy

Things haven't been too exciting around here (with the exception of Amy's big 30th birthday blowout), so I apologize for my lack of bloggyness. But, I have exciting news-- I crossed the 20,000 hit threshold yesterday! Because I am a gigantic web-counter whore, this obviously makes me very happy.

Other things that have been making me happy lately:

*My super-sleuthing skills, which led me to find Amy D., long-lost trombone hero (p.s.: Amy, I sent you an e-mail at your [probably very old] yahoo account-- write me back, or else.

*TiVo's sudden, intense desire to tape old episodes of the cartoon classic Home Movies, which is about the greatest show ever made.

*That commercial where Dwyane Wade tells Charles Barkley that his old short shorts make him look "sexxxy."

*The imminent arrival of the sample of my save the date cards, which is totally going to blow your mind with its sheer awesomeness.

*The smiling, non-thuggy pictures of my favorite Cavaliers (I have a problem with athletes who feel the need to look like they want to beat the shit out of me in their team photos):

*The fact that I had a column in the Dispatch last Wednesday-- it didn't run online, but e-mail me and I'll send you a scan of the article if you're in the market for funny shit involving the name Mojo and mounted police.

Whoot whoot!

I'm in the Dispatch again today-- you can see the column here.

I feel compelled to note, though, that this is the first time I have ever ripped off my blog for column material-- it's a rewrite of the Stuck In Traffic post of a few weeks ago. But funnier, I swear!

So check it out-- enjoy! Also, your thoughts on blog ripoff? It was justified, I swear!

Hot off the presses!

Had another column in the Dispatch today-- those of you who knew me while I was in Wilmington will recognize the story of The Great Potato Fire, as detailed here. I'm really proud of this one, mainly because I've been dying to tell the story of the GPF since the day it occurred.

I'm going to be writing a few more for them to keep in the hopper, and while I don't want to scavenge from my blog, I might need some suggestions to get the creative juices flowing (that is SUCH a disgusting phrase). Your thoughts?

Thank you, Spammers, for the inspiration!

Special thanks to Kristy for letting me know that I had another column run in the Columbus Dispatch today-- Hotmail is down, so I sadly cannot send out my self-congratulatory e-mail as of yet. But luckily, Blogger is still here for me to indulge in my narcisistic needs!

You can check the story here-- it revolves around my deep-seated hatred of all things spam (although curiously skips the canned meat variety). I hope you enjoy-- please enjoy! Please?

Better late than never!

I just found out from my friend Kristy at the Columbus Dispatch that my column, which many of you were aware was slated to run last Thursday, but had to be rescheduled, ran in yesterday's newspaper (she herself didn't find out until after work was over)!

Much props to my best friend Megan for finding the link for me-- you can check out the column here. I would like to state for the record, though, that in the paper, this column ran right next to a big article on Snakes on a Plane, which makes me super, super proud. (Really!)

The big mass e-mail will be sweeping the nation in a few hours, so I apologize to those of you who are on that list-- but just think, when it arrives, you can always say, "I found out about it hours ago, on her blog." Meaning that my blog will finally have been good for something.

Why I am a narcissist (or not)

This may seem random, but hear me out:

I have a friend-- his name is Jared, most of you don't know him, but he's a great guy in an awesome band-- who once asked me why I choose to only write about myself. This is a question that has been posed to me on many occasions-- by friends, professors, people on my blog who are tired of hearing my every pissant thought.

The main reason for this is not, in actuality, narcissism-- it is because I am the only living person on the planet that I can write about without fear of backlash, or getting things wrong. I will not, for instance, refuse to speak to myself at Thanksgiving if I choose to reveal that I once sort of went to the bathroom in the back of a friend's car, nor will I freak out if I say that my favorite food is sloppy joes, when it is actually astronaut ice cream (both excellent fare, in my opinion).

I realize that, one day, I will have to write about other people if I really want to be successful; after all, David Sedaris wouldn't have gotten all that far without the Rooster, or Hugh, or the Incomplete Quad. But this prospect seriously scares the crap out of me, mainly because one day, when I was in Advanced Reporting in college, I got yelled at for about an hour by a woman I had apparently misquoted in an article I wrote for the school paper (even though I sort of had what she said on cassette tape, and specifically asked if we were on the record), and I really, really, really hate being yelled at.

But in the meantime, I think I'll stick to writing about myself. I may be my own worst critic, but at least I can't sue me. I don't think.

Honk honk!

As I am not normally one to toot my own horn-- in actuality, I spend more time thoroughly discussing every tiny thing I have ever failed horribly at in my entire life, from myspace to Letters of Feeling-- I feel that I have thoroughly earned the right to tell you that I had a column published today in the Columbus Dispatch, a real-live newspaper with many, many readers!

As you can imagine, I have done many a happy dance today.

I know many of you received this news via mass e-mail last evening (sorry about that), but for those I regretfully missed, you can read the story online here. No word yet on whether my dad is upset about being outed as a Safety Man.

Hopefully, this will lead to more to come, and Dave Barry here will be asking for my autograph, just like I did to him when I was in the eighth grade and sporting a big puffy afro and a men's XXL t-shirt (I had big style then, boy).