Happy Happy Joy Joy

Things haven't been too exciting around here (with the exception of Amy's big 30th birthday blowout), so I apologize for my lack of bloggyness. But, I have exciting news-- I crossed the 20,000 hit threshold yesterday! Because I am a gigantic web-counter whore, this obviously makes me very happy.

Other things that have been making me happy lately:

*My super-sleuthing skills, which led me to find Amy D., long-lost trombone hero (p.s.: Amy, I sent you an e-mail at your [probably very old] yahoo account-- write me back, or else.

*TiVo's sudden, intense desire to tape old episodes of the cartoon classic Home Movies, which is about the greatest show ever made.

*That commercial where Dwyane Wade tells Charles Barkley that his old short shorts make him look "sexxxy."

*The imminent arrival of the sample of my save the date cards, which is totally going to blow your mind with its sheer awesomeness.

*The smiling, non-thuggy pictures of my favorite Cavaliers (I have a problem with athletes who feel the need to look like they want to beat the shit out of me in their team photos):

*The fact that I had a column in the Dispatch last Wednesday-- it didn't run online, but e-mail me and I'll send you a scan of the article if you're in the market for funny shit involving the name Mojo and mounted police.

I don't know why, but I am totally, totally obsessed with uncovering the identity of the trombone commenter. And I feel the only way to do this is with a set of overly long lists.

The following is a list of every single person I know that plays the trombone (as far as I know):

• My grandpa
• My dad
• My Aunt Emily
• Cristin
• Randy
• Jordy
• Travis
• John
• Justin
• Dana
• A different John
• Eddie
• Brian
• Becca
• Beth
• Drew
• Nathan
• Kelly
• Adam
• Jared
• Marty
• Vern
• Amy D.
• Amy B. (for like 15 minutes)
• Mike
• Rich
• Jena
• Some other people in jazz ensemble that I totally forget right now
• Hank
• Dan
• Yet another John

From this list, I can deduce that:

1. I know A LOT of people who play the trombone.


2. If your name is John, you are highly likely to learn to play the trombone.


3. More dudes play trombone that girls.


4. Of the nine girls on this list, one is my aunt who does not know of the existence of this blog (as far as I know), three likely don't remember that I exist, one only played trombone one in one concert, just to piss somebody off, and two have left comments under their own names, meaning they are not the person who left the comment on my trombone blog.


5. This leaves only two choices (unless there is YET ANOTHER person out there who plays the trombone that I know and yet cannot name): Cristin, or Amy D.

Am I right? Did I do it? I would be so freaking proud of myself if I solved this. I would probably go around boasting of my Columbo-esque powers of deduction. Which is way hot.

Anyway, mystery trombonist, whoever you are, I'm really excited to find out your identity. And don't worry, I could never consider you a foe-- any trombonist is a friend of mine.

Which is sort of depressing, really.

Kim's Obsessions Du Jour

Thanks, Pen, for the tag-- does it count in the total if I admit that I'm obsessed with being tagged for things? It makes me feel like I got picked in gym!

1. My sudden realization that Hugh Jackman would be perfect as the lead role in the horrible novel I've been writing since I was thirteen. This is a position that has been held, over the course of the last fourteen years, by Mark Harmon, George Clooney, Colin Firth, and, most recently, that big Scottish guy from 300. Of course, it would have to be big Wolverine Hugh Jackman, and not skinny, sort of creepy The Boy From Oz Hugh Jackman.

2. Procuring a new wardrobe, as I have come to the vastly horrifying conclusion that every piece of clothing I own is horrible, and not in a trendy way, but more in a middle-aged blood bank volunteer way. I will approach this scientifically, procuring only those objects that I actually need (black pants that are flatteringly cut and do not pick up lint) and avoid those that I do not (Cherokee cardigans from Target).

3. Riding my new bike, which is currently chained to a lawn tractor in our garage, but which I went to visit a few minutes ago, trudging through the three inches of snow on my driveway, just to reminisce.

4. My wedding dress, which just arrived in town yesterday. Sadly, I have to wait two more months to try it on, which is both good (two more months to get my monsterous double stomach under control, so that it does not explode out of my dress like a muffin escaping a pressurized Pillsbury tube) and bad (two more months of slowly morphing its super-cuteness to hideous Seinfeld Puffy Shirt-esqueness in my mind).

5. The identity of the person who left this comment on my trombone blog:

I also play trombone...I also know kim shable and kim shable knows me

Was it you? (I don't like to name names with all the evil Internet predators out there, so I'm hoping you'll recognize this artfully cropped portrait of the person whom I believe it to be, at least for now.) If not, I'm at a loss... weirdly, I really do know a lot of people who play trombone, so it could be almost anyone...

Trombone-tastic!

This fancy trigger trombone is not unlike one I used to play, until the one I used to play was hit with a hammer by someone who shall not be named.

My friend Denise was awesome enough to send me the following letter to the editor to the Daily Iowan, in reference to Iowa's search for a state instrument:

Trombone represents Iowa

If Iowa legislators want to declare a state instrument, the trombone should be it. Not only to honor Glenn Miller and Meredith Willson, but because the character of the instrument is in perfect harmony with Iowa and its folks.

Take a look sometime. Trombones are plain and simple, like the Iowa landscape, yet still beautiful. There are no fancy keys, no valves, no reeds, but still the trombone holds a note with all the rest. Its versatility as an instrument in many styles is in tune with Iowa's land and its people. Its ability to make only one note at a time, unlike many of the strings, speaks best of Iowa people - while we may do something by ourselves, we know that a much better song is played when many work together. And just as Iowa works hard to feed the world, the trombone works hard to hold up the band.

The trombone and Iowa: simple yet versatile, underappreciated but important.

Paul Worrell

UI student & trombone fan

First of all, congrats to you, Paul Worrell, for being as trombone-obsessed as I! It is lonely here, Paul. So very, very lonely. But oddly gratifying in its self-righteousness!

Secondly, I am so jealous that I didn't write this myself, only about Ohio! Because of my slight, we'll probably end up with the effing accordion. Or, like, the hammer dulcimer.