You won't like me when I'm angry.

When I was in graduate school (which is a phrase I very much enjoy saying, because it reminds me of a time when I was actually a writer, as opposed to an auditor, which is still fine, but not quite as impressive), I went to a counselor named Etta who diagnosed me with an anger problem, which fucking pissed me off.

Because at the time, I did not see myself as particularly angry. It would make me mad, yes, when I would go to visit Etta and tell her I was doing very well that particular week, and she would say, "Okay, great! Let's talk about when you were nine and you were ugly and no one liked you." So maybe she got a skewed view of the situation. But that was more of an Etta problem than an anger problem.

But now I'm starting to wonder if maybe I really sort of do have an anger problem, at least lately.

At first I was just taking it out on passing traffic. Normally, I am a very friendly driver, and don't get stressed much if I'm running late or the traffic flow is moving slowly. But lately, I find myself leaning forward in my seat, kept in place only by my strap, ready to leap through my windshield and throttle those people who do not feel it necessary to abide by the speed limit, or who turn without their signals on. I also get angry at cute license plates and cars with ribbon magnets on them, because I feel if they really cared about their particular causes, they would man up and put a sticker on their car, rather than a removable magnet.

I've also become more of an angry person at work-- that person that you don't really want to go near, because they might launch into a diatribe about how it might be wise to give employees more than four days' notice that they're going to change the health insurance.

And Ashley got an earful of something I was angry about the other day-- I don't remember what it was, but I was pretty super pissed.

So one of my New Years' Resolutions this year (and I do make them early, in order to get used to the idea of sticking to them) is to become less of an angry person. Since I don't know how I got angry in the first place, this might be sort of difficult, but I'm definitely going to try, because I don't particularly enjoy it, and it certainly doesn't make me the best party guest for the holidays.

Perhaps I should call Etta and find out what she thinks about it. But she'd probably just refer me to her feeling wheel and then tell me to buy myself something nice, which generally seemed to be her approach to mental healing.

Two Random Mix CDs, and what they say about my life at the time of their creation (roughly)

Random CD 1:

1. Come On Over-- Christina Aguilera
2. Wonderful-- Everclear
3. Simple Kind of Life-- No Doubt
4. Music-- Madonna
5. Why Does It Always Rain On Me?-- Travis
6. Absolutely (Story of a Girl)-- 9 Days
7. Don't Change Your Plans-- Ben Folds Five
8. Anyway-- Dynamite Hack
9. Faith-- Limp Biskit
10. You're a God-- Vertical Horizon
11. Boys in the Hood-- Dynamite Hack
12. Hero-- Foo Fighters
13. Thong Song-- Sisqo
14. Everything You Want-- Vertical Horizon
15. Sour Girl-- Stone Temple Pilots
16. Say My Name-- Destiny's Child
17. Superman (Kryptonite)-- 3 Doors Down
18. These Are Not My Pants-- Five Iron Frenzy

What it says:

1. I must have been in college at the time, because had I known I had a CD like this among my possessions while I was in graduate school, I probably would have destroyed it so that no one would find out that I had a CD with "Thong Song" on it.

2. I had not yet developed (and subsequently gotten over) my short-lived but intense hatred of Christina Aguilera.

3. I likely listened to the radio a lot more, as this is mostly top ten hits (with the possible exception of "These Are Not My Pants").

4. I apparently liked a band called Dynamite Hack, and even owned their CD-- I just went through my collection and found it as proof.

Random CD 2:

1. No Such Thing-- John Mayer
2. Ohio-- CSN & Y
3. Lose Yourself-- Eminem
4. Yesterday-- The Beatles
5. Push-- Matchbox 20
6. Cool Blue Reason-- Cake
7. How You Remind Me-- Nickelback
8. Somebody To Love-- Queen
9. Margaret-- Jill Sobule
10. Trunk Fulla Amps-- Self
11. Song Sung Blue (Live)-- Neil Diamond
12. Blame It On You-- Gin Blossoms
13. Who Will Save Your Soul?-- Jewel
14. Go Tell It On the Mountain-- Harry Simeone Chorale
15. Misery-- Green Day
16. Piece of My Heart-- Janis Joplin
17. Forever In Blue Jeans-- Neil Diamond
18. As Is-- Ani DiFranco
19. 45-- Elvis Costello
20. These Apples-- Barenaked Ladies
21. Leave the Biker-- Fountains of Wayne

What it says:

1. I must have been super depressed when I made this CD, because the only time I ever put "Song Sung Blue (Live)" on a CD was when I was super depressed. Same with "Go Tell It On the Mountain," unless it was a Christmas CD.

2. I must have been in graduate school at this point, because with the exception of Neil Diamond and the Gin Blossoms and Nickelback, this is a somewhat more socially acceptable group.

3. I liked Fountains of Wayne WAY before "Stacy's Mom" came out.

As a side note, on a second listen, I have determined that this is the CD that Ash, Pen and I were listening to when we got stopped by the military convoy on the way to my birthday party, and I got the ominous feeling that something bad was going to happen, and then it did. Creepy.