Wednesday, July 05, 2006

The Dark Underbelly of Journaling

I have had a lot of inquiries as to whether my sudden new need to return to journaling means that I will cease to blog-- it may appear as though I have already ceased to blog, given the infrequency of my postings and their sudden white hot lameness-- but fear not, as this is not the case. The lack of postings is simply because not much of note has occurred to me lately, and I am in a period of oscillating between Totally Unoriginal Thought ("I think Dame Edna just might be a man!") and Entirely Too Original Thought ("Have you ever noticed that when some fireworks go off, they look like big round balls that are racing right at your head?"), neither one of which really lend themselves to blogging.

And as for the journaling, I'm still debating whether I should even go back to it. Because as Cue pointed out, there is now an actual person in my house who could read it, whereas before I was perfectly comfortable just leaving my journal out in plain view (except when I lived with Dan, and practically buried it in a pile of my own feces to keep him from getting near it). Not that I think Ben would read my journal, and not that I would write anything bad about him in it. But the fact that he could read it if he wanted to...

Also, it turns out that not all of my journals were as genius as the Letter of Feelings journal. The journal that immediately follows it, the I Wish I Were Way More Important Journal, is rather annoying. Apparently, I felt that my life had no impact on anyone else's life whatsoever, by which I mean that they did not weep and tear out their hair every time I exited a room. It does contain this eerily prescient paragraph, however, written directly before a non-fiction workshop that I feared was going to go poorly (eerily prescient, is that a Wendy-ism?):

"I'm getting really antsy and upset all the sudden. Like I know everyone will be disappointed. Oh, brilliant. Why don't I just go get a job in insurance?"

So, the point is: I am still blogging, and I may begin journaling, as soon as I can scrape together enough stuff to modge-podge onto the cover of a composition notebook, which is really the only good journal (mainly because of its ability to hold modge-podge). Also, I am glad that I am past both the Letter of Feelings portion of my life (in which I was a hilarious psycho) and the Why Aren't There More Lifesized Posters of Me Everywhere phase of my life (when I was a pathetic crybaby psycho). Now, I am just a normal person, although still hilarious, and now much better looking. And obviously, still quite modest.

Also, as an unrelated update, Ben and I are about to start our sixth week of non-smoking! Go go gadget cleanlungs!

5 pipers piping:

Cue said...

Dammit, I keep accidentally instilling paranoia, and I don't mean to. Good, normal, healthy people (aka Ben, from all you've said) do not read other people's journals unless they're, like, eight years old and your little brother. I didn't mean to suggest that someone would. It was more a statement about the sort of people I've chosen to date than a "better get a diary with a lock!" warning. Also a rationalization to self about why I've stopped journaling in the past. I get all cranky about that now -- "wait, where did those three months go? what was I doing with my life?"

Bottom line: I didn't mean to bring on the paranoia. I keep doing that, though. No one should listen to me, is what it all gets down to, really.

Anyway: go to, godspeed, and congrats on six weeks with clear lungs! Awesomeness.

penelope said...

Modge podge! Let's have a party!

Karima said...

I am about to start my 15th month of saying "I am trying to quit smoking". That counts for somehthing, right?

daisy said...

I have a hard time imaging you ever having a workshop go bad.

But I'll stop now before it sounds like I have some weird girl crush.

Anonymous said...

You ARE eerily prescient -- i was just going to write you a comment saying, Well at least you didn't use 'journaling' as a verb.

Sorry, but there's just something gross about that word. It suggests FEELINGS, the kind of feelings that, frankly (franco-ly), we just don't respect.

I think you should start an Ingratitude Journal. (See Oprah.)