I have seven cavities. Seven. Which is way gross and wrong. Although apparently not uncommon. I specifically asked the dental assistant, "Is this the worst thing you've ever seen? I mean, from a young person? A young clean person?" And she assured me that many other young, apparently clean people have disgusting, sewage-y mouths, and that I, by comparison, have Smithsonian teeth.
Apparently, my seven cavities stem from the fact that I have soft teeth, which is also really gross, because it makes me picture my teeth suddenly one day going gummy like a wad of out-too-long mashed potatoes. This, apparently, will all get better once I start using the billion dollar prescription fluoride toothpaste that I conveniently forgot to inquire about after my forty-five minute post-dentist scheduling session.
Oh, and my one-half wisdom tooth has got to come out, too, because, as the dentist put it, it is a "bad scene."
I feel so gross and wrong. I would like you all to know that I care for my teeth zealously, other than the fact that I consider my one-half wisdom tooth to be quirky and charming, and not a bad scene at all, but rather a fun comment, as in "my friend Kim has one half of one wisdom tooth."
But not for long, friends. Not for long.
7 pipers piping:
If you're planning on having kids eventually, make sure you demand porcelain fillings.
js
omg, BAD SCENE. hilarious. this reminds me of when i had a tooth pulled a few years ago and the oral surgeon's forceps (or pliers or whatever they're called) slipped and went flying and he caught them mid-air and goes, "I'm the man!"
Be sure to tell 'em you have a "low pain tolerance" so they give you the good drugs.
Ahhhhhhhhhhwwwwwwwwww,
Trench Mouth!
I like to sing that above statement in tune to the beginning of the song "Le Freak". Freak out!
I have a dental appointment in the morning, and am now officially scared.
Sigh.
Don't feel bad, I got the "soft teeth" thing once before, and also got the squirmies. Don't dentist-types know there are just some things you don't say out loud? "Soft teeth" ought to be one of them. Blech.
Bet I have like 27 cavities tomorrow. The horror.
When I had my wisdom teeth pulled, I got morphine in the arm AND laughing gas. It was the happiest day of my life. Especially because when I woke up, I crawled to the "Toy Chest" and picked out a pretty beaded coin purse. And then they gave me a prescription for Vicoden.
Sigh.... Those were the days.
When I had my liver biopsy (still reading, everyone?), they had to sedate me but keep me awake so they could instruct me to hold my breath when the needle went INTO MY LIVER.
So, i took valium and xanax before the procedure, and then they gave me some Ativan in my IV and also Toradol (painkiller) and Versed.... it was glorious.
After it was over i was drifting off to sleep, the happiest i've ever been in my life, seeing a kind of blue ocean thing, and then an alarm went off and i woke up, and i was like ha ha, that's funny, thought it was my alarm clock. but it was the alarm on the monitor saying i wasn't breathing.
Still, i was so happy.
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