Having just received my tax refund over the weekend, I decided to go to Target and Buy Things I Don't Need, which is an annual April tradition of mine. Sadly, I didn't find much (safety pins! A face wash that actually made me get more pimples after the first three uses!), but I did buy a memory foam pillow, which I am now officially in love with, and a Gilligan O'Malley bra, which I like mainly because it has the word "Gilligan" in it.
Upon returning home, however, I found that the bra was the wrong size, producing the dreaded Third and Fourth Boob, which is not really a sexy look, no matter what Britney Spears says.
So that plunged me into an Anguish Spiral-- do I face walking into Target with a once-worn bra (only to try it on, not actually out in public, but still! Once worn!) and try to return it? Or do I keep it as a reminder that sometimes, even Gilligan can let you down?
Upon going to the dentist and learning about my soft teeth, I decided to make a return trip to Target for some of that really gross fluoride mouthwash. And if I was going back, then by God, Bad Bra was going back with me.
But that sent me into a frenzy-- how to get Bad Bra back into the store without being seen? I could have just put it back in a bag, but that made me feel like I would look like a reverse shoplifter. Do I tuck it under my arm and run in like a linebacker with a padded football? Walk confidently into the store with a beige Gilligan O'Malley bra in my hand, or slung over my shoulder like a kicky sweater?
Ultimately, I chose the Confident Woman With Too-Small Bra strategy, which worked really well until a little girl pointed me out to her daddy and said "Look at that lady's braaaaaa!" At which point I wadded it up and stuffed it in my purse, which made me look even weirder when I finally got to the return line and had to fish the bra out from under my portable manicure kit and gigunda wallet.
But the point is, I am now rid of Bad Bra, $11.67 richer, and in possession of fluoridated mouthwash. Take that, shame spiral!
Thursday, April 20, 2006
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8 pipers piping:
Ah, the dreaded quadra-boob. I am glad you were strong and returned the offending undergarment.
No one else could make returning a bra turn in to a covert operation!
In the 7th grade, unhooking a bra was a covert operation.
Was the face wash Neutrogena? EVERY time I buy Neutrogena, it causes me to break out immediately, no matter which teeny bopper du jour is prancing around in their towel on TV claiming that it's, like, the best soap ever!
totally off the subject, but I have a friend that wants to know more of your letter-writing campaign to Mark Harmon. On his blog, he writes people letters *just* to see if they respond.
Or, is the Mark Harmon Incident too painful to put into print???
Yes, it was, in fact, Neutrogena soap, which I have now officially sworn off. Curse you, Neutrogena, and your supposedly top-of-the-line expensive acne-causing death soaps!
And Peruvian Girlfriend, I would be happy to elaborate on the Mark Harmon fiasco.
I always forget - after 2 years as a copywriter at VS - that undergarments make other people uncomfortable... I also realized at my latest trip to Gap Body that the sales clerk probably doesn't want me to turn around, stick my ass out at her, and go, "But see? I have a really big ass. See? SEE?" Sadly, she STILL insisted I go with a S/P and now I have the same dilemma as you. I will NOT return the pair I tried on, but what about the other two pairs? And what about the fact that they were 3/$24 and I'm keeping one pair just out of shame? It is HARD being a girl.
On the subject of bras, I used to purchase them at one of the outlet stores near our house. As factory seconds, they often had stickers on them reading "Slightly Irregular." I remember one of the first times buying a bra asking my mom quite loudly, "Does slightly irregular refer to the boob or the bra?"
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