My Business is Your Business

I was shocked to learn yesterday morning that Charlton Heston had passed away the day before-- shocked, mostly, because I had had an Eerie Feeling that Elizabeth Taylor was going to die that weekend, and didn't, meaning my Celebrity Death Detector isn't the mad prognosticator that I had believed it to be.

To be honest, I was not that big of a Charlton Heston fan, mostly because I was already madly in love with Gregory Peck, and to spread my teenage geek love between two octogenarians seemed a little gross. But I do have two fond memories of the Omega Man, which I would be loathe not to share, considering how valuable my opinion on dead celebrities is in this whimsical world of ours.

1. My whole life, my family has celebrated Easter by watching Heston in The Ten Commandments, not because we value its religious message, but rather because we enjoy making fun of the acting. If you've never seen the movie (I can lend it to you-- I have it on VHS and DVD), please find the scene in which Heston, as Moses, realizes the folly of ordering up a plague to kill all of Egypt's first-borns, and witness the stunning display that is his delivery of the line "Turn from my fierce wrath, o Lord!" I personally have performed my own interpretation of this line thousands of times, and every-- single-- time, I find it funny. (Though this does not involve Charlton Heston at all, please also take a moment to check out the reaction of the women to the parting of the red sea. Hilarity!)

2. When he was in college, my friend Rich was a member of the Ashbrook program, an elite group of politically-minded students who were invited to meet many luminaries of the Republican party. On one outing in particular-- the day that Bob Dole came to campaign there-- Bob Dole was accompanied by NRA president Charlton Heston, with whom Rich had the opportunity to ride the elevator to the top floor of the library, where the Ashbrook scholars met. The ride was long, as the elevators at the Ashland University library are powered by donkeys pulling long strings with their teeth, and to pass the time, Charlton Heston turned to Rich, who was wearing combat boots, and said "Those are fine boots, young man. A good pair of boots will get you far in life."

Not unlike "Turn from my fierce wrath, o Lord!", I cannot resist saying this phrase whenever the opportunity arises.

So farewell, Mr. Heston. Please be assured that you will live on in multiple viewings of The Ten Commandments at the Shable and Oja houses, during which we will mock you. But in a loving way.