Obviously, you have never had a dog, and are not aware that they are not, in actuality, genetically programmed to shit on the tree lawn, and it is impossible to direct them to do so.
But aside from that, I am aghast at your inhumanity. What gives you the right to scream at me, in broad daylight, in front of other neighbors? I wasn't dancing on your "garden." We actually weren't even in your "garden." And may I remind you, I do not believe those plants constitute a fucking "garden!"
Does it honestly give you pleasure to make people like me feel bad about myself, and make me afraid to walk down your street again for fear of incurring your vengeful wrath? Once you got out of your iffy-looking pick-up truck, did you go inside and say to your husband (if he's even still with you, considering you probably berated him daily for not remembering to put his shoes back on his shoe tree) "I had quite the productive day, I went to the grocery store and then I made a nice-looking girl and her cute pet dog doubt their self-worth"?
Listen, I saw the sign on your lawn that says "Best Yard on the Street." I'm not quite certain if you made this sign yourself, or if some sort of pathetic block party committee gave it to you to shut you up for a few months so everyone else could enjoy their summer. But in my opinion, the Best Yard on the Street is not the one with the randomly sodded flowers, but the one in which people are not afraid to congregate, let their dogs and children run, and have a good time.
You probably don't have any children. And if you do, they probably left town right the fuck away.
Anyway, don't worry, Che and I won't be back to darken your "garden" again. Do not be surprised, however, to find that, in the middle of the night, your "garden" meets with an unfortunate accident. I'm just saying.
All best,
Kim
Could you hate this dog?
6 pipers piping:
Actually, that's a rather frightening picture of said dog...
Hmmm... maybe you can give me her address, and Nora may have to just walk by. If she doesn't want to walk by, then we will certainly drive by with a bag full of Nora poop... maybe even accompanied by Omar and Bullette poop from the box.. It just may accidentally fall from the drivers side of my car as we are cruising around the neighborhood at 2am.
when I come up for your wedding, I'm going to personally poop on this person's front stoop. You know I'll do it, too.
awww pretty pup.
One time, about 5 years ago, I was walking my friend's dog while she was at work. We were walking down the street (there aren't any sidewalks or tree lawns there) and Maggie, said dog, decides to pee. So she squats at the edge of a lawn, pees, and feeling relieved is ready to continue a happy walk. Then the guy that lives there starts yelling from the other end of the driveway "aren't you going to clean that up?" What?!? I told him that she just peed and he continued to berate me for not cleaning up after the dog. I told him to get some paper towels and sop it up himself. 5 years later, I still want to powerwash this guy's house with dog urine (I just have to figure out a way to sop it up and ring it out into a tank of some sort).
Poor Che. She's just exuberant. And too nice to yell at. You should leave a copy of "Everybody Poops" on her doorstep.
P.S. My word verification is bdmoj which kind of makes me think "bad mojo." Is this foreshadowing what will befall the shithead neighbor?
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