Dear Barenaked Ladies,

How could you do this to me?

Do you know how embarrassing it is already to be the world's biggest Barenaked Ladies fan? No one takes you seriously! Even after I explain that your genius lies not in "One Week" and "Pinch Me," but in your other varied, beautiful, soul-searching tracks. No-- once I explain that I am a Barenaked Ladies fan, people's image of me drops from Well Educated Literati to Girl Who Probably Watches "Pants Off Dance-Off" While Making a Scrapbook of Her Cat.

But I always stood by you. Even after you released Everything to Everyone, which, let's face it, wasn't really that great. Except for "Upside Down." And the song about the monkeys.

But now you come at me with not one but two CDs O'Crap, Barenaked Ladies Are Me and Barenaked Ladies Are Men. Which I had such high hopes for! Because maybe? They would be a return to form? And I would find another song like "Enid" or "Break Your Heart".

I did not find anything remotely like that.

Oh, that one song, "Bank Job," that was good. I liked that. Because there were nuns in it. And catchy!

But then I go get BNL Are Men, and find that not one but two of the songs on it are the exact same song as "Bank Job," only with different lyrics! (For anyone else out there who's been burned by these CDs, which I think at this point is just Kelly, I'll point them out for you-- "Fun and Games," and "Quality.") Also eeriely familiar-- "What a Letdown" ("Never Is Enough") and "Beautiful" ("Conventioneers").

Point is, I sense that you've given up. Your new music is hookless and unmemorable, and the drawings on the covers of both Me and Men are creepy and upsetting.

And so, it is with great sorrow that I announce that I am renouncing you as My Favorite Band Other Than the Beatles. Of course, your entire catalogue, up until Maroon (and some portions of Everything To Everyone) will still be celebrated in my home. But I deny the existence of these two CDs entirely, and a good third of Everything.

In your place, I name Cake my new FBOTtB. As such, I will be forced to rearrange my CD book so that their CDs come before yours; in a fit of rage, I may also place you behind Elvis Costello and possibly even The Presidents of the United States of America, which I know is a severe blow, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Okay, I won't do that, just because the only thing lamer than a BNL fan is a POTUSA fan. I obviously know how to pick them.

To the rest of the world, I urge you to listen to BNL as they once were, and discover their glory anew. But to you, BNL, I can only express my disappointment and sadness.

Thanks for everything up to, well, Everything.

All best,

Kim Shable

PS: Some awesome new music? Lily Allen (especially "LDN," which I can listen to on incessant repeat), Mika, and Avril Lavigne's new song, "Girlfriend," which I understand is geared toward thirteen-year-old girls, but which I cannot stop rocking out to.