My business is closed.

So, I think it's time to retire from the blogging world.

I've been actually wanting to do this for awhile, but haven't, for various reasons:

1. "My Business is Your Business" is the single greatest blog name of all time, and if I decide to come back later and start a new one, I'll get stuck with a really lame blog name, because I am notoriously bad at naming stuff, so it'll probably be called "Kim's Wacky Words of Wisdom" or "Oja-pus's Garden"

2. This is my Aunt Kathy's primary way of learning about what's going on in my life (Hi, Aunt Kathy!)

3. I actually did some pretty funny writing here, back in the day.

However, my blogging gene seems to have gone fallow, at least for the moment, and I'm getting pretty tired of making myself feel guilty every time I don't write anything on here for awhile. And also, now that I'm actually writing on a semi-regular basis again (thank you, John Boston Story-- yet another stellar title thought up by Kim Oja!), I should probably put most of my writing time towards that.

So I'm saying goodbye for now-- thanks for reading for the last three years, it's been a blast! And for now, at least, please don't remove me from your blogrolls-- you never know when the Awesome Blogging gene will flicker back to life and I will be inspired to share stories about my sad vagina or my vitriolic hatred of Mark Harmon (which this whole John Boston thing has TOTALLY stirred up again).

From me, Crunchy, vulvodynia, the guys who stole my Garmin, Ricky Martin, Guitar Hero and all the other major players here at "My Business is your Business", we wish you all a fond farewell!

All the Young Dudes

Okay, this seems like the most fun meme of all time, and so I thought I'd share it with all of you (also, because I haven't posted on my blog in a million years and need something to distract you all from the fact that I live quite possibly the most boring life of all time.

I'm going to tag some Facebook friends on this beeotch, but I urge all of you to play along, because seriously, this is the coolest thing EVER. Special thanks to Randy for passing it along!

Oh, and also? Please forgive the lameness of some of these songs. Remember that I lost my super cool music collection in the Great Crash of '08. Although these songs were a part of that collection, too. So I guess I should just shut up.

RULES:

A. Put your music player on shuffle.
B. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
C. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
D. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing the game as well as the person you got the game from.

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
"Minimum Wage" by They Might be Giants (I guess that could be an acceptable answer)

2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
"Oops... I Did It Again" by Britney Spears

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
"Eve of Destruction" by Barry McGuire

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
"Creep" by Radiohead (I do feel rather skeevy today...)

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
"We're Not Gonna Take It" by Twisted Sister

6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
"Ready to Go" by Republica

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
"We Built This City" by Jefferson Starship

8.WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
"My Doorbell" by The White Stripes (which is so untrue, because I was trained at a very young age that anyone who would ring my doorbell without calling first was probably there to rape and/or kill me, so I would throw myself on the ground and lay there for like a half an hour every time my doorbell would ring in the time between when I got out of school and when my parents got home, which happened a lot, because my parents are avid catalog shoppers. To this day, when the doorbell rings and I don't expect it, I have to fight the urge to lay prone on the ground for long periods of time.)

9. WHAT IS 2 + 2?
"That'll Be the Day" by Buddy Holly and the Crickets

10 WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
"He Got Game" by Public Enemy (SO TRUE!)

11.WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"Vampire" by Antsy Pants (that can't be good)

12. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
"Uptight (Everything's All Right)" by Stevie Wonder

13. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
"I Don't Want to Spoil the Party" by The Beatles

14. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"Here Comes Santa Claus" by Elvis Presley (Ew.)

15. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
"The Distance" by Cake

16. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
"Sunshine of Your Love" by Cream (This song has a creepy stalker feeling to it, though, like someone creeping up on you. Which isn't super romantic.)

17 What will they play at your funeral?
"All Apologies" by Nirvana (Ouch.)

18. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
"Tiny Dancer" by Elton John

19. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
"The Jean Genie" by David Bowie

20. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
"Shame For You" by Lily Allen (again, ouch.)

21. WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
"Money Talks" by AC/DC (That WOULD be effing weird)

22. HOW WILL YOU DIE?
"Hot For Teacher" by Van Halen

23. WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
"Dude (Looks Like a Lady" by Aerosmith (I do regret all those men's XXL t-shirts of my youth...)

24. WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
"Why Don't We Do It In the Road" by The Beatles

25. WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
"I've Got an Ape Drape" by The Vandals

26. WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
"Brian Wilson" by Barenaked Ladies (does this mean I have to marry Brian Wilson? Because I am not down with that.)

27. DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
"Let My Love Open the Door" by Pete Townshend

28. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
"Friend is a Four Letter Word" by Cake

29. WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
"Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'" by Michael Jackson (you're a buffet, you're a vegetable)

30. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
"All the Young Dudes" by Jill Sobule

I am the champion

I. Did. It.

I actually completed NaNoWriMo. I wrote 50,000 words. In one month. In 28 days, to be specific. And I wrote the final words wearing a Santa hat. Which just makes it that much cooler.

Is it dorky that I'm so insanely proud of myself right now? Before I decided to do NaNoWriMo, I had literally written nothing besides my blog and a few columns for the Columbus Dispatch in four years. And in one month, I wrote something that was longer than my entire graduate thesis. Which means I can totally still do it. Whether it's any good or not remains to be seen. But still. I totally did it.

The only bad thing: the novel isn't actually finished yet. Which is actually a good thing, because it gives me something to keep working towards. And then the revision process, and then, who knows? Maybe try to find an agent? I don't know. The world might not be ready for the John Boston story yet. But when it is, kapow, watch out, America.

All I know is that I totally did it. And I am totally going to Cracker Barrel right now to celebrate. Because that's the way that we high-velocity novelists roll. Awwww, yeah.

A week in the life

As much as I was enjoying studying those photos from Martha's (I MUST find that woman and ask where she got her matching beret/tank top ensemble), I just wanted to stop by and fill you in quickly on the haps, since I've been MIA for so long. It's just that the haps are sort of boring:

1. Am now only 9,996 from my goal of 50,000 words for NaNoWriMo, although I'm now pretty sure that this book won't be wrapped up in 10,000 words or less, so I will need some cajoling to get the rest done after the contest is over. Please place all threats in the comment box.

2. I have decided that this guy will play John Boston in the inevitable movie adaptation of my sure-to-be-a-bestselling blockbuster:


Apparently his name is Jon Hamm, and he is in the show Mad Men, which I have never seen because I don't know what channel AMC is on my cable and am too lazy to find out. But he will be pleased to know that he has been added to the short list of past JB candidates, which included George Clooney, Colin Firth, and of course, the infamous Mark Harmon. Who can now cry his bitter tears of defeat on the set of his stupid Navy SEAL show, or whatever it is they're carrying on about over there.

3. A big, giant, hairy spider has taken up residence in the drain in my basement, and sometimes he comes lunging out at me when I come down to feed the cat. I would squash him, but he's so big that he would both crunch and explode with some sort of goo, which I am not willing to clean up, so for now, I let him live.

4. I am extremely unhappy with the outcome of America's Next Top Model. I feel that the model who won (I won't give names, for those of you who are still waiting to catch this on TiVo) is extremely weird-looking, and I don't care for the quasi-British accent she decided to adopt upon arriving in Holland.

5. On the other hand, I am most pleased with the proceedings on The Office, and am happy to have Jim and Pam once again reunited.

6. Ben went hunting last weekend? Which was weird? And now there are three dead pheasants in my freezer. Which is even weirder.

Sadly, you are now completely caught up with everything that has happened to me during the last week. Oh, and I ate some stuff, and used the bathroom several times. Now you literally know EVERYTHING that happened.

RIP, Martha's

The world was shocked and saddened today by the loss of the world's greatest lesbian and redneck karaoke bar, where the UNCW MFA class of 2004 spent probably way too much of its time during its brief and tenuous tenure in Wilmington. Where the crazy black guy in the wicker hat will spend the remainder of his Prince-performing days is still unknown, but please take a moment to enjoy this photographic retrospective in honor of our fallen friend.

NaNoWriMo Update: Week 1

My stupid toolbar won't update itself for some reason, but as of three minutes ago, I had written 11,730 words.

I would like some accolades now, please!

Rebuilding Music-con One

Now, as many of you know, I lost my mega awesome music collection in the Great Hard Drive Crash of '08; I have been slowly reassembling, but the going is rough (do I really need to search out another copy of "My Sweet Lord" by George Harrison? I probably do, right?).

What you may not know is that for the last ten months, I've been collecting approximately seven million Pepsi points and redeeming them for MP3 downloads on Amazon. As a full-on Diet Pepsi addict, I've managed to score at least 40 songs this way (as well as three CDs, a Pepsi t-shirt, and Home Movies season four on DVD-- I drink a LOT of Pepsi), but I still have enough for 20 more songs, and I have to admit, I'm totally running out of ideas. For instance, today I just downloaded the 1985 classic "Dog Eat Dog" by Weird Al Yankovic. So, I'm tapped out.

Any suggestions for cool songs I should be looking for? Keeping in mind my strict evaluation criteria:

1. Must not be snobby people music (no Radiohead or anything with an artfully illustrated pen-and-ink drawing on its cover)

2. Repetitive chorus preferred; na-na chorus a BIG plus

3. Oldies always welcome (but no Neil Young, as Neil Young just sort of sucks. Sorry.)

4. If I played it in marching band or Guitar Hero, I'll probably like it

5. Also, I go nuts for songs where there's instruments? And then all the sudden it's just singing and drums. That's the best.

So please, help me out here-- I have to use these points up by the end of next week, and if I can't think of anything, I have to use them on a Tom Morello CD for Ben, and really, there's only so much accoustic anarchy pop one can listen to on a daily basis.